FAR GONE

I’m throwing up on the sidewalk,

Two a.m., everyone already gone.

Streetlights blinking like they’re tired of watching me

Pretend this wasn’t how the night would end.

I embarrassed myself for an hour straight,

Apologized to faces I won’t remember.

Now I’m sitting in a neighborhood

That feels borrowed—

Like I wasn’t meant to be here either.

I didn’t even want to go out,

I told myself it might help just a little.

That maybe noise could drown out the questions,

Maybe laughter could lie better than I do.

But I know in a week I won’t reflect on it—

I’ll call it “living,” like that means something.

This ain’t a way to live,

So why does everyone brag about surviving it?

I guess it’s easier to fill yourself with poison

Than sit still long enough to feel the ache.

Easier to glorify the moments

Than admit how much of you they take.

And I’ve been stuck for a while now,

Saying the same thing for three damn years.

Am I ever gonna change,

Am I making it out alive,

Or just aging into fear?

Will I crumble, will I fall,

Will anybody care at all?

Am I destined to be damaged—

Or am I just too far gone?

I’m driving home when I shouldn’t,

Don’t even remember the drive.

Hands on the wheel, eyes open,

But nothing behind them feels alive.

How can I be so selfish every time I feel helpless,

Crossing lines like they don’t count?

If this is living, shouldn’t I feel something—

Or at least know what I’m missing out?

Maybe it’s part of me,

Or maybe I just learned to disappear.

Everyone else finds meaning so easily—

Like I missed the instructions somewhere back there.

I’ve been stuck for a while now,

Repeating this like it’s a vow.

Am I ever gonna change,

Or just get better at hiding how?

Will I crumble, will I fall,

Will anybody care at all?

Am I destined to be damaged—

Or just scared to turn around?

They say this life ain’t meant for dreamers,

But they swear it’s all okay.

“Waste your twenties, you’re only young,”

Like youth is something you should trade away.

But how long does it take

To be beaten down, bruised, then break—

Before you stop calling it freedom

And start calling it pain?

Final Chorus (expanded, restrained)

Believe me when I say

It ain’t fair to feel this way.

But I poison myself just to make the night behave.

Believe me when I say

I don’t want to stay this numb.

Still you’ll find me in the evening—

Still too far gone.

Still breathing.

Still lying.

Still hoping tomorrow

Feels different than tonight.